Plant or Flower

Plant or flower?

“Plant or flower? Plant or flower?” Unbeknownst to me, my good friend and flatmate is standing in front of a selection of plants and flowers stressing over which to buy me. The longer she contemplates, the more stressed she becomes. Green, yellow, orange, red, purple..so many colours to choose from, but which, she can’t decide, would brighten my mood the most???

I am in my room, throwing clothes this way and that, stuffing items into drawers and desperately trying to find space in my tiny little room in London to put the ridiculous amount of clothes I purchased on my most recent visit to the States. I am trying my best to occupy my mind, anything to keep me from thinking about the devastating news that was delivered to me the night before.

After an excruciatingly long wait, and even more painful process, the decision is in: London Business School Admissions Committee has decided not to offer me an advance (prior to their review of this year’s applicants) position in the MBA2012 class. Game over.

I applied for MBA2011, frantically put in an application into Round 3, already a very competitive round. However, the UK government had other plans for my future and after changing their visa rules last minute, I was forced to hand over my passport in order to have the security to remain in the country before their rules changed. No passport meant I could not sit for the GMAT. No GMAT score meant my application was pushed to Round 4 – where few spots, if any are left. After enduring what was the most challenging interview I have had (and I have had a few), it was therefore of no surprise that I was Waitlisted in case a place opened up. And so the wait began.

For several months, I survived several “decision dates” where more and more candidates were ‘dinged’ from the Waitlist pool. As the school’s start date came up, I was finally informed I could no longer be considered for MBA2011 but that they would consider me for a spot in MBA2012 – a glimmer of hope.

Then yesterday, after waiting almost 7 months, with so much uncertainty in my life and career (I will get to that in another posting), the result – due to the limited number of spaces they are allowed to offer in advance, they could not extend one to me.

My dream, to attend one of the most prestigious business schools in the world, and one which shares my view of the importance of a global outlook in business and provides the opportunity for its students to interact closely with others from 60 nationalities, was crushed. Seven months of waiting, a tremendous amount of hard work and sacrifice, and a near lifetime of dreaming– over in that one second.

I should have waited to apply in Round 1 [much easier] this year, I should have applied to other schools, I should have changed my LT vision, I should have this, I should have that…But these thoughts are worthless. We cannot change the past, only plan for the future.

Stepping out of my room to carry my laundry down the stairs, I see a small plant with 2 pinkish red flowers in full bloom and a small card sitting outside my bedroom door. My friend, after agonising over the decision of whether to purchase the plant or flower, had decided on both. Seeing me come out of my room, she smiles. “I was seriously stressing over that for ages! I just could not decide..there were so many choices and I wanted to be sure to pick out the one that would lift your spirits the most.”

We are so often faced with many opportunities and decisions – and each one we struggle over, whether big or small. Should I take that job? Would those dining room chairs look right for the table? Should I go back to school? Where should we go out to dinner tonight? We agonise over these things, but who is to know what would have happened had we made the other choice – or in my case, the choice was made for me by LBS’ Admissions Committee.

So this goes back to my original question. Plant or flower? Plant or flower? They are both quite nice. I would have been happy either way.