At what point do we grow up – or do we ever?

As a child, you often look up at those big, old adults with almost a fearful respect. They are so full of wisdom. They have an answer to everything and always seem to know what to do in every situation. Every year you grow older, you wait for that epiphany - that moment when you too become that all-knowing adult.

You turn 13, you think you are there. Then 18, you no longer care as you are just living in the moment. Then 21, but just as you are celebrating your new ability to legally drink you suddenly find yourself thrown into the real world. 

I will never forget that moment; walking to work through the San Francisco financial district on my first day wearing a business skirt, uncomfortably hiked up around my waist, a tucked in collared shirt and black pointy-toe pumps. This outfit being in stark contrast to my usual attire of flips flops, jeans and a tank top. I felt like I had dressed up as a business woman on Halloween. All I could think about was that I was way too young to suddenly be thrown into the suited up business world.

Now here I am with seven years of work experience and finishing up an MBA. Does this mean I am full of wisdom or know all the right answers? No. In my somewhat chaotic personal and professional life, I have realized two things: (1) The wisdom I have gained might not be the same words of advice someone else might want to follow and (2) While I now have a lot more answers, I have come to realize that, with age, I only now have even more questions.

As children we listen to what adults say and as teenagers we do the opposite. But as adults, suddenly with the power to make our own choice, we, instead of searching within, look out. We look toward society and what we are supposed to do. For many this works, for others it does not.

Being single and 30, people often wonder when you are going to grow up and ‘settle down’, but is that being grown up? Others take that path laid out for them only to look back 5, 10, 30 years down the road and think “I wish I had done it differently.” To that I always respond with the fact that you should never regret a decision made or an opportunity not realized because you don’t know what really would have happened if events had played out another way.

I am always saddened by people desperately looking for the right way to live, as if life is a checklist waiting to be ticked. Life is not black and white. Nobody has all the answers. As children we became so enamored by those omniscient adults that we think that we should become one. But we can’t. They don’t exist. We never grow up. Life is more fun being a kid anyway.

Is it possible to belong everywhere and nowhere at the same time?

In the last nine years, I have lived in Walnut Creek, Santa Barbara, Vienna, Barcelona, San Francisco, Zurich, London, Berkeley and New York City. I have had numerous backpacking trips through South America, holidays in Asia and weekend trips to [insert European country here].

Having been forced outside my comfort zone on numerous occasions, I am super sensitive to culture differences and also have a better understanding of my own. Yet what is my culture?

I have friends all over the world. I can relate to multiple nationalities in a way that when I am interacting with them I never think you are this and I am that. My personality, many would also say my accent, just subconsciously adapts. Differences based on where someone is from are broken down and discarded so that I see an individual’s, not a cultural, trait. But I cannot never know all these differences. My understanding will always be imperfect; I will never fully understand another's culture.

Now back in California, I still feel like a foreigner. I don’t quite fit. It’s strange to have left, experienced and seen so many things, only to come back to a place just how you left it. My views, opinions, and desired way of life have all changed – I am no longer a typical ‘Californian’.

This summer in New York City  I met hundreds of colleagues at the company I was working for and I was the only Californian. Even though I was back to City life, which I am more accustomed to, I still didn’t fit nor could I see myself there.

And of course, outside the U.S., by definition alone – I am a foreigner.

So now the question arise; "Where am I not a foreigner?"

I have now realized – I don’t think there is one.

I don’t want to run around the world anymore….I think.

In January 2008, I wrote a post ‘The Revolving Door: An Expat’s Life’ and in April 2008 I wrote a post ‘Running Around the World’. The former discusses my twinge of jealousy for those moving to exotic places, what a concept of ‘home’ to me truly is, and how my identity is now comprised of the various cultural attributes I have picked up from places lived and people met. The latter is what the title says. It describes that internal drive that forces me to keep on running even if the destination isn’t always clear. Because running is what I love and it is who I am.

Fast forward a few years. It is now September 30, 2011; 25 days before I turn 30 and I am tired.

This year has been another crazy one, just as they all have been.

January: Spent 2 weeks in Colombia with 30 other MBA classmates exploring this incredibly beautiful country from the mountains, beaches and historical beaches. We hiked, sailed, drank, swam and partied.

February: Real world slams you in the face. Memories of dancing on sailboats are quickly forgotten as we returned to Berkeley and began the intensive intern job search. Topping that off with all the leadership roles you regrettably signed up for and a full class schedule - the stress mounts. Desperate to get away, I booked a last minute trip to London for a long weekend. At SFO, phone rings. Thomson Reuters asks if I can come to NYC next week for a job interview. Sure. I change a few flights, head to London for about 4 nights, fly to NYC Thursday afternoon, check into a hotel, head to the office for drinks and dinner with talent managers and company employees who are watching every move, determining your networking skills and cultural fit. Friday is a  full day of interviews, case study and presentation to management. 5pm  - the 24 hour interview is over and Friday night I head back to San Francisco.

March: Spring Break back to London with a weekend trip to Sevilla, Spain. Why not? My friends needed some sunshine.

April: Actually spent the whole month in Berkeley

May: Move out of my place in Berkeley, pack for India, ship business clothes to NYC and put the rest in storage. Off to India for 3 weeks with 3 other MBA classmates. We were engaged by a non-profit organization to look at how mHealth applications can be used to improve the quality of health care for mother and child in rural parts of India. Conclusion 1: Never give money to non-profit organizations unless you really understand how they are spending it. Conclusion 2: Sometimes the solution is a simple one. Health care would be improved by providing women with iron pills and better nutrition, not spending $2 million on smartphones. Sadly, our client didn't see it that way.

June: 24 hour flight from India and I arrive in NYC on a Saturday. Work at Thomson Reuters in their Media Strategy group starts Monday. I move into a sub-let flat.

July: Working fairly long hours but manage to get a family reunion trip to Long Beach Island, New Jersey and July 4^th trip to Cape Cod. End of July, my sublet ends and I move into a friend’s apartment in the West Village to cat sit.

August: Friend comes back. I sublet another place in West Village, moving everything once again. At the same time, I am moving apartments on the other coast in Berkeley – thank goodness for parents in the area! Friend from London comes to visit, sublet ends, we spend one night in NYC hotel and then instead of going back to California for the first week of school, I head to the Hamptons for the week for a rest – I needed it! August 22^nd I finally move back to California. Flying in and heading straight to class that day. The next couple of weeks are spent getting moved in, getting things out of storage etc. I am so tired of moving!

September: And now here we are and the big question that all MBA students talk about:

Question: What are you going to do when you graduate in May?

Answer: I don’t know. I am tired of packing and unpacking my life. I am tired of running around the world. 

The Blue Bin

I had a trash bin at my cube in my office in New York. It was blue. My cube mate had one as well; his was black. Both bins were placed alongside our cubicle cabinets in the hallway.

Growing up in California, I am a conscious recycler. As such, I only placed paper in my blue bin and threw my trash in the black bin next to my cube mate’s desk.  This went on for almost 2 months until one day I got up to make a copy and walking by my cube mate’s black bin, casually threw some pieces of trash into it.

Walking back, my cube mate, stared at me in horror “It was you!!!!!”  Utterly confused, I asked him to explain why he was upset. Unbeknownst to me, for the past 2 months he had been getting angrier and angrier because someone was using his trash bin. He had been weighing suspects and was trying to concoct all types of schemes to catch the inconsiderate culprit. Considering we had since become friends, he was surprised that it had been me the whole time.

“But blue bins are for recycling. Mine is blue and yours is black” – I said in a matter of fact tone as more and more colleagues who had known about the trash mystery began to circle around.

To this everyone burst out laughing. “We don’t recycle here – this isn’t California.” Lesson learned – but even now I still have trouble throwing trash in a blue bin.

India- International Business Development Program

What do you get when you put together a Korean, a Belgium, a Canadian and a Californian and then send them off to India to work for a few weeks? One Rockstar Haas IBD Team, a whirlwind of crazy moments, a few illnesses, new friendships and a LOT of curries, dosas, rotis and chutneys, some delicious, some slightly dodgy and most likely a cause of those’ illnesses’…let’s just say that sharing rooms, our team has gotten especially close. Of course we haven’t gotten to the stage of actually wiping one anothers’ bums, although here in India it is more of a spray ‘n’ rub approach, which we have all been diligently practicing. But if we were here for a few more weeks, no doubt our relationship would progress to that level. As noted in the picture – Leisha and I are almost there.

But the most valuable output of this unusual combination has been an amazing and unique experience; a chance of a lifetime to see a new culture not as a tourist but as someone that is temporarily a part of it - although we do stand out a bit around here so that might be a bit of a stretch.

Our scope of work was to conduct a Needs Assessment on implementing mHealth (mobile health) applications in rural areas of India and then recommend an mHealth solution. We spent two weeks in Mysore, where the mHealth solution will be piloted, and the final week in Bangalore. Here are some things we have discovered from this experience.

Key Learnings:

· I am secretly envious of women’s clothing here. The saris are beautiful and the shalwar karmeez comfortable and practical. I may need to revamp my wardrobe.

· Indians are extremely friendly and hospitable. The head of the National Institute of Engineering greeted us all with flowers; the men on our team especially appreciated it.

· Toilet Paper is a rare commodity. WTP varies dramatically and is a function of availability and illness. We have learned to hoard when we can. Potential business opportunity?

Facts and figures:

· 70 - Minutes needed to leave hotel prior to a meeting located 13km away. One must take into account negotiating price, getting lost, traffic, and then getting lost again

· 43 – Number of people driver stopped on street to ask about an address as we circled central Bangalore

· 0 - Tears shed: None so far but I am waiting for our final farewell to see who breaks down first.

· 20% - Amount of total information we actually received versus what was given during fieldwork and interviews, the rest was lost in translation or drowned out by the multitudes of people always talking at once.

And finally, the most important Fact and Figure of all:

· 10 – Recommendation rating for the IBD program, on a scale of 1-10. 10 being highly recommend. This is not to say that everything went smoothly or that we didn’t have our frustrations and challenges – we had plenty of those – but this has been an amazing experience that we would probably never have had otherwise.

Acting on Impulse

People never follow the advice they give. I am a great example of this. After looking over my previous posts, I am struck by the structured thought process my mind appears to follow - well at least attempt to. I would like to say prior to making any big decision I weigh up all the pros and cons, sleep on it, and then make the best possible choice. But in reality, all significant decisions in my life have been made on impulse.

I did my undergrad at UC Santa Barbara and when my parents recommended I do a study abroad program my Junior year, my first reaction: Are you crazy? I live in Santa Barbara, California. This place is amazing! The ‘amazing part’ I was of course referring to was in reference to the parties, not so much the academics, which were great too of course, but hey, I was 19. My parents, slightly disappointed in my narrow outlook on the world, dropped the subject when I didn’t apply for these programs during sophomore (2^nd) year.

Fast forward a about six months; on one of those rare nights in toward the end of my sophomore year, a friend of mine and I were watching the channel E! which was showing a special on the night life in Ibiza. The music, the dancing, the people, the beaches – it all looked like so much fun! A place existed better than Santa Barbara? We turned to each other – we had to go there!

We recruited another friend and decided to plan a month long vacation throughout Europe. My parents were shocked. They had dragged me to Europe a few times before, my dad worked there for quite some time, but I never had any interest and would have much preferred to stay in the US with my friends than be seen touring around Europe with my parents in my early teenage years – I mean how embarrassing to be seen with your parents at 14!

But now, traveling with 2 other girl friends at the age of 19, is another story. Starting in London, we then travelled to Greece, Madrid, and Ibiza traveling American style – that is hotels and suitcases (as opposed to the student standard backpack and hostels, but keep in mind this was pre-Euro when Europe was actually cheap). I then ended my trip in Zurich, where my parents were living at the time, to spend a week with them, before heading back to Santa Barbara. And I fell in love with Europe.

My parents like to think it was their influence and the wining and dining and Swiss excursions that did it, but truth be told, I think it had more to do with the clubs in Ibiza and the dancing in the afternoon at the bar on the beaches in Greece topped off by the sheer excitement of being somewhere totally new. It was the sudden realization that, and yes this is going to sounds like a totally naïve typical American, there was a whole world out there that I didn’t know. I had to go back.

Starting my Junior year back in university, I dropped my Communications major (I was doing a double major with Business Economics) and started taking German classes instead. I signed up for an abroad program in Spain for the summer after my junior year and for a program in Vienna, Austria for fall in my senior year. Of course, one thing led to another and I ended up spending five years after that, with a return to graduate and get a couple of years of work experience in in the U.S., working in Europe. All this, stemming from an impulse decision to go party at the clubs in Ibiza.

So, moral of the story, in case you were wondering whether there even was one: You should always follow what you want, granted this doesn’t involve doing any kind of bodily or emotional harm to others, but keep in mind, that you sometimes don’t always know what you want. And if something comes up that strikes your fancy but doesn’t sit perfectly on the fitted regression line of your predicted future as a function of future decisions, my Stats professor would be so proud, and you don’t have a lot of time to analyze the situation, just do it. Take that impulse decision. And if it turns out to be the wrong one, worst case scenario, your life is a lot more interesting because of it. Mine certainly has been.

The Tragedy of Living in a World Where People Can No Longer Streak

College life isn’t complete without students streaking through campus or sporting events.

A friend of mine, who will remain anonymous, told me a great story about a time when she was an undergraduate. During finals, when students were under a lot of stress, studying day and night, she and a group of friends decided to enter the campus library and make their way to various sections of the building. Once in place, they casually peeled article after article until they were completely naked.

Suddenly, they raced through the library, stunning students who could only stare on as the naked bodies congregated in the middle of the library baring all to see. The streakers then proceeded to run outside and around the rest of campus, causing the initial observers to momentarily break out of their stress and have a laugh over the recent incident.

Since this time, my friend, the Streaker, has moved on to become quite successful just as many of her fellow streaking conspirators had. We laughed over her telling of the episode. I remarked how nice it was of them to provide a bit of comic relief for her classmates but that it was a shame that something like that could no longer happen.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Would you want to see your lovely chest bouncing around in a video posted on YouTube, your naked a$$ on Facebook or your parents receiving a Twitter that their daughter was seen running around campus in her birthday suit?”

“Good point. I hadn’t thought of that.” And most people don’t, especially when they are young.

In an age when our lives are recorded and presented for the public’s viewing, we no longer need to dial in to Reality TV shows to watch others’ stupidities: we just search the Internet.

So poses the irony. While Social Media has given individuals the opportunity to share their opinions, experiences, and information to the masses, it has also restricted our behavior as we realize that a seemingly harmless act could cause major consequences for us, and others, in the future.

I don’t want to live in a world free of streakers.

Mobile Phone Etiquette - Oh Wait, there is none

Question: Who is more important? The person with whom you are physically present or the person trying to reach you via text, email, phone, social media, etc.?

Answer: It depends on the context, i.e. expecting a call from your pregnant wife - OK, but in the majority of cases, it should be the person with whom you are with. Right? So why do people feel the need to take social calls of unimportant chit chat, read emails or respond to non-urgent texts leaving their friend/colleague standing there bored. Is your time more important than theirs? Of course not. So why does everyone do it?

Several years ago I was in Hong Kong visiting a friend. My first night out, we went to a very posh restaurant, patronized mainly by the wealthy locals and rich, overly self-confident expats. The restaurant had a gorgeous rooftop bar from which you could see the bustling City, looking a bit like Miami does New York, with a touch of Chinatown, and bathed in a sea of colored lights.

Of course to get to the restaurant, one had to take an approximate 10-15 second elevator ride to the top. Stepping in with my friend were two middle aged English gentlemen dressed in expensive suits wearing a look of self-importance. Immediately the two English businessmen became engrossed in their Blackberries tapping away, suddenly my friend was as well. So I stood silently, surrounded by the men scrolling up and down emails for seemingly no purpose. Amused at the situation, I finally decided to break the uncomfortable silence, as well as take a slight stab at my friend who was now ignoring me, by interjecting with ‘Should I pull out my Blackberry as well? I am feeling slightly left out.” Judging by their response, they weren’t so amused.

You would think that as time passed, people would have begun adopting better phone etiquette rules as a backlash. But with the advent of smartphones it has gotten worse. We are no longer respectful of the physical world and other peoples’ times. People get angry if you don’t text or call back immediately. Does having a phone require me to be contactable at all times? Why does the person reaching me via a mobile device take precedent over someone who is there or the work I am trying to finish undistracted?

The Waterfall Effect

You know and love the drinking game right? Everyone stands in a circle; one person starts drinking, then the next, the next and so forth. Finally the initiator stops, and only then, can the next person stop, and then the next etc. This is usually great fun – of course it has become less so in my later years when my workload has increased, while the number of drinks required to cause a hangover has decreased.

How about when you are seated with friends at the table having a great conversation when one person starts playing with their smartphone, then the person seated next to them starts, etc. Finally conversation ends and some are left looking into space, others absent mindlessly searching the web waiting for the oblivious initiator once again to stop, so they can resume the conversation. This is usually not so fun.

I think we can all come up with situation after situation in which smartphones have disrupted social settings, offended attendees, and frustrated others. Yet we all do it, unaware of our consequences. Here we are a civilized nation with cultural norms from opening doors for women (I am still a huge proponent of this) to chewing with your mouth closed to placing a napkin on your lap when eating. These are generally adhered to in order to maintain a respectful society even though some may be slightly unnecessary. Yet we have no etiquette for mobile phone usage. No respect for others yet we all use our mobiles whenever we feel like it. Have we become a society where new rules of etiquette are no longer formed? As our way of life rapidly changes, social manners have failed to keep up. Will this ever change?

I am still waiting.